The silent scream . . . By Kirsten Nour Namskau
Mathias was 7 years old and went to 1st. Primary in a school in Denmark.
His parents was divorced and remarried on each side. Although his parents was divorced, they had a god relation with each other as well as with their new partner.
Mathias had two other siblings who were teen-ages.
Every now and then they all went to spend a week-end with their father and his new wife.
I noticed that Mathias more and more often was upset after a week-end at his fathers place. More so . . . He had an unusual sexual-centered attitude towards the other children, which bothered both the other children, the support-teacher and I.
I took it up in a teachers meeting, and was told that it was only my imagination.
I had a parents meeting and was told that when Mathias was with his father, he didn’t like that his dad and his new wife always used the chance to go out in the evening, since they then had “baby-sitter” for their own child too, since both Mathias and his teen siblings was there.
When Mathias then came home later next day, he was always stressed.
As time passed, I could not any longer “put under the cover” the fact that Mathias gave all signals of being sexual abused.
I tried to ask Mathias what used to happen, when he was at his father’s place? It was difficult for him to give a full story, but little by little I got a picture of what could have happened.
One time, as he was crying, I asked him: “Do you want help, Mathias?”
He looked at me and nodded his head as he asked through tears: “Can you help me?”
I contacted the school-psychology and she came to stay with us a day to take notice of Mathias behavior and communication with the other children.
I had a new meeting with the school administration and the parents.
I told them . . . that I believed, after the picture I had been able to puzzle together after Mathias’s bits and pieces of what he had told me . . . That when Mathias’s father and new wife was out for the evening, Mathias’s siblings had friends coming in and they had party going on which could hold both pornographic films, narcotics, and a sexual conduct which did not suit Mathias’s age. More so, it appeared to me that Mathias himself had been used sexually.
Although, the school-psychology and the support-teacher confirmed that they also found Mathias’s conduct not appropriate for children in his age . . . I was firmly “put on my place” and was told that it was not my job to discover if any child got abused . . . My job was only to be a teacher, that’s it.
Mathias’s parents ( all four of them) demanded me leaving my job or they would bring me to court for false accusation.
I suggested they should file a case against me . . .
I contacted the office of children’s welfare, and they acted as fast as they could, but it was not fast enough. . .
We never came so far as to the court . . . .
3 months later, Mathias was rushed to the hospital . . . .
Where he died . . . .
Of sever injuries after violent sexual abuse . . .
The representative and my consultant at C.W. told me that even if Mathias had survived, he would never been able to live a normal life again, neither mentally nor physically . . . that was how sever he was injured.
This was the second time in my career that a child in my care dies, because I was not believed.
That made me to take the decision . . . . That I never want to work with children again . . .
I can not carry this kind of memories.
I feel so lucky that I have another education to lean on.
8 comments:
Oh that is horrible. I remember when you never heard of sexual abuse to a child. People looked the other way. But now days its taken more serious. Teachers are suppose to be there for their students and be able to help them when no one else will listen.
That poor little boy! Hopefully the animals who did that to him were punished severely. It makes me furious when the authorities wont do their jobs. I think it was wonderful that you took an interest in the little boy and tried to help him. We need more teachers like you around.
Thank you for your comments, friends. You know...What makes MY life so hard, is that I can not only stand still, looking at it and NOT do whatever I can at the moment.
It's not always I succeed, as in this case, bu at least I tried.
Too bad some people are afraid to admit their shortcomings.
It seems they would rather a child die than be proven wrong.
There was a story recently in the newspaper about foster carers who had discovered their child had been sexually abused at some stage when they took the child to be examined by the family doctor. The bureaucrats were outraged and removed the child from the foster parents, claiming that by taking that child to the doctor without consent from the case worker, the foster parents had abused the child's rights. The story caused public outrage, but the abused child is lost in the system controlled by the bureaucrats.
You know...sometimes I am in lack of words. What is the meaning of "child-care" actually??
I think it's adults doing things to make themselves feel like they're doing something good for the children. Whether they are or not.
sometimes, its so hard to help someone, especially a child, when the parents/guardians aren't supportive about it. if only the these people can be as sensitive to their child's need.
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