Saturday, September 30, 2006

I am protected . . .

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 6 months.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes - I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.

Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.


And have a nice day!


Anonymous said...

Chain email huh? me too.

hammer said...

You have just described every Email I've recieved from my father
since I gave him a computer for his birthday.

I should have bought him a tie.

dragonlady474 said...

LOL...I'm breaking several of those rules today, obviously the deodorant one, and I'm eating at KFC in a few hours and I drink coke.

Another true and interesting fact about coke. If you have build up on the posts of your car battery, you can pour a little coke on there and use an old toothbrush to scrub it and it eats away all of that battery acid.

Anonymous said...


MrsJoseGoldbloom said...

LoL...Love this post Kirsten, I get those same stupid emails on a daily basis. And I even have a spam filter going.