The evolution of communication. . .

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... .- ...- . .- -. .. -.-. . -.. .- -.--

or

dedede dedah dedededah de ~ dedah ~ dahde dede dahdedahde de ~

dahdede dedah dahdedahdah

Pregnancy Questions & Answers . . .

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Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.



Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.



Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.



Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?



Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.



Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.



Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?

A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.



Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?

A: Yes, pregnancy.



Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?

A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.



Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?

A: When the kids are in college.

Male & female items . . . .

Did you know? . . .

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You may not know this but many non-living things have a gender.

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you?

But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!

Take the advantage of everything that is free . . .

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How many animals goes in a pantyhose ? . . .

... Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

... Now, think about it......

... Ready???

... Answer: 10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 ass, and an unknown

... number of hares.

Thoughts of the day . . .

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- Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

- Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

- Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

- How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

- Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

- Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'


- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

- Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

My Father's Castle . . .

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We were four children . . . I was the second girl, having one older sister and a younger sister and a brother. My father was originally educated inside the police. Right after the war, my mother also worked inside a department of the police, but stopped working as she started to take children.
I can remember, how proud my father was every day when he took on his police uniform, straighten himself at the wall and put his hands on his back, before he took off to work.
But under the war, my father got Tuberculoses and he got worse and worse until he lost his work-permit.
Many times, I woke during the night, finding the home empty with blood all over the place. I knew . . . my father had taken an attack of vomiting blood, flushing out, uncontrolled from his mouth and was taken to the hospital. I always started to wash off all the blood, so my siblings should not see it, although I was not more than about 5 / 6 years.
Many times we believed that he should die and we got used to be prepared waiting for the message that it was over.
My mother had to start working. She got a good job as an accountant, but it was hard times.
My father never got used to be the one at home and was embarrassed that he had to let my mother work and be the bread-feeder of the family.
As things got worse, and my father also took “cancer” in the small part of his lung that was still working, my parents took contact with a woman we called Aunt Inga. She was into alternative solutions of everything concerning health.
Since my father had difficult to breath, had punctuated more than three-quarter of his lungs and now also suffered from cancer, she gave him some herbs that should help him to breath. At that time, it was no medication yet for Tuberculosis.
I remember the smell of herbs, every day as my father made his tea that should help him to breath. And it did help him . . . He did found it easier to breath. More so, the herbs should show up to help more than anybody expected.
As he went to his doctor every week for X-ray, his doctor got more and more confused. Finally he told my father that it seemed that the Cancer-cyst was shrinking. After one year, the Cancer was all gone. My father stopped to get so sick and stopped puking blood. He had actually not been in the hospital for long time. The doctor could not explain what happened, but it seemed that the Tuberculosis had evaporated. He didn’t have the shadows on his lungs anymore.
But he didn’t get back his work-permit.
When the medicine for Tuberculosis came, he was enforced to take them, although he by then had been free from the illness for two years.
Still, he didn’t get back his work-permit.
He looked by now, healthy and strong and since he also from the nature had somewhat colored complexion, people around started to bully him for not working.
He recovered from his ill health, but he actually never recovered from the bullying of the people.
He was ashamed, feeling small and useless. It was my mom who rose him from “the mud” one day when she said: “It doesn’t matter who is at home and who is working in a family. What matter is that one brings the money for food on the table and one is at home and takes care of the children. Since I never have been good in making food, hate to clean and do house-work and so one, I am so happy that I am allowed to work. What people say, doesn’t matter . . . It is what we know, that matters.”
This rose my father to respect again and he did the house-work, cleaned our clothes, made the food and did his best in everything.

What my mother said, become a rule of living in my life.
All the people that bullied my father, didn’t know about his health. They only took account for his appearance and when he looked healthy, they took it for granted that he was healthy.

Remember that, next time you want to criticize someone for something.
It doesn’t matter how much you believe you know about the person and about the case. You still don’t know even a fraction of the whole picture.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY . . .

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Want one? Go to http://geocities.com/testiflash

Quotes of the day . . .

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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.THAT'S relativity.-Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.- Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.- Franklin P. Jones

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?-Jean Cocturan

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.- Jerry SeinfeldIt

Matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.- Darrin Weinberg

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

"Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers. It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to, consider it creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Don't worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia"

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."--Albert Einstein

Optical Illusion . . .

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Clean your glasses,

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take a couple of deep breath,

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relax you shouldres and neck

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And see if you can manage this optical Illusion . . .

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Stolen body-parts and plastic surgery . . .

I’m sure you all have heard about people who have been abducted and be-stolen their kidney . . . ? ! Did you think it’s only nonsense? NO . . . Body-parts “disappear “ all over the world all the time.
Take me per example . . . Some years ago, I lost my thighs. It happened one night I went early to bed. I went to bed in my own body, but the next day . . . I woke up with somebody else’s thighs! ! ! It was obvious that they were not mine. They looked like something similar to oat-porridge. Who can be so cruel doing something like that?? Who was the owner of these thighs and where were mine?? I used that summer to look for my own thighs. Sad and angry, at the end I had to accept that stay-up stockings was out and long panty-hose with extra support was in.
One day I again was not on watch, the thieves hit out again! This time, it was my buttock they wanted. It must have been the same bandidos, because although the buttock now was 10 cm lower than original, the new buttock suited exactly the thighs I had got earlier. . . Now the thighs and the buttock suited each other, but not me . . . Awful! ! ! The only thing I now could ask for, was that long skirt again should become a fashion.
If this was not enough . . . One morning my stomach-muscles was gone. I woke as usually, but it was obvious, somebody had taken my stomach-muscles! My upper body looked something like liquid, and it was obvious that my guts was splashing around right behind the skin of my stomach, without anything keeping it on it’s place. . . .
It was then I started to use body-stockings when I should go out any place. (I envy my mother her girdle.)
A couple of year ago, they took my arms too . . . They had been replaced with some-ones else’s.
One day as I was doing my hair, I suddenly found myself fascinated and terrified looking at how the meat on my upper arm swung from side to side in harmony with the movement of the hair-brush.
Terrified, I stopped using blouses with short sleeves.
It was terrifying to see how all my body-parts slowly, but surely, had been changed.
Age? Age doesn’t have anything to do with this . . . Age is something that comes slowly, invisible, little by little, like getting ripe.
No, this was something coming from unknown source – attacking me – again and again without warning! What is the next??
The night my firm chin got replaced with a turkey’s . . . I decided to tell you my story.

Hi you . . . All women in all ages – support me in my campaign against plastic surgery! They don’t use plastic, you know . . . You do know from where they get all those firm tights, flat stomachs and firm chins, don’t you??? Yes right, they take ours! ! !

We are against plastic surgery! ! We demant our right to keep our own firm body to ourself! !


PS. Last year I though they had stolen my breasts too; I woke up in the morning and looked down at my body – and my breasts were gone! ! ! Nothing . . . flat as a tray! !
I jumped out of the bed and run to the mirror. . . to my relief I discovered that they had only slipped down under my armpit, while sleeping. . . .

The case of Madeleine . . .

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Something doesn’t add up in this case, neither when it comes to the police’s reaction nor the parents.
The child was kidnapped while the parents were at a restaurant a few meter away, while the children was asleep. It was three children sleeping in the same room. Madeleine was the oldest one.
As I have understood, it was no sign of forced entrance. Only the oldest child, Madeleine was taken. None of the children woke up under the act of kidnapping, not even Madeleine. (No screaming, no resistance.)
The whole after-play has become like a show, none in the world would have supported you if you had experienced the same with your kid kidnapped. (I’m thinking about the 32 million dollar reward to the one who can “help” finding the girl, meeting the pope etc.)

1) The person who has “kidnapped” Madeleine, must be one the family know.
2) The person must have been familiar with the home and knew exactly when the children go to bed and where the children’s bed-room is.
3) The person must also have known about the back-door and either it used to be locked or not.
4) The person must have known that the parents was out at the time, where the parents were, and for what reason, in order to know how much time the person had to his/hers disposal for the act of kidnapping.
5) In order to kidnap the child without the risk that the child or any of the other woke during the act, the children, (all of them) must have been given sedatives. (Unless the person was well known by the children and didn't impose fear.)
6) Nothing else in the home was touched or stolen. It was a pure, planned “kidnapping” of the particular child.
7) Why only Madeleine, why not all of them or one of the twins or both of the twins?
(Can it be the fact that Madeleine is oldest, strongest, also mentally, and have been told that she should go with “someone” for a short time?)

A) Did the police take an immediate blood-test of the other children in order to find out what kind of sedatives has been used? (NO)
B) Have the police search all the friends of the family and tracked their foot/steps that day? (NO)
C) Did the police close all borders of the country right away? (NO)
D) Have the parents been examined under lie-detector? (NO)
E) Has it been taken fingerprints in the home? (NO)
F) Has strange cars in the area at the time been noticed, searched etc. (NO)
G) Do the parents act and look like they are in trauma? (NO) (Not before they got the direct question from a journalist in Germany, if they themselves were involved in the case. If so, they maybe now start to feel it “burns” under their own feet?)
H) Who care for the other children, while the show is on?
I) Who pay for the show? (All the expenses, traveling around like announcing a world-fair, meeting the pope and famous people. Would these people also have met you if your child got lost? (NO))
J) Who is left behind to receive Madeleine if she returns while her parents are traveling around?
K) Are the parents / family a famous, world-wide known family, one would expect such attention around in a case like this? (NO)


Excuse me . . . Something doesn’t add up.

Your life is formed . . .

In sand and stone . . .

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TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY,

THEY HAD AN ARGUMENT;
AND ONE FRIENDSLAPPED THE OTHER ONEIN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT,
BUT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.


THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH
THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED
GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.


AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:
"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE ".

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND ASKED HIM,
"AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND
AND NOW, YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?


"THE FRIEND REPLIED:
"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND,
WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.


BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT.

"LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND
AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

For sale . . .

A girl like mom . . .

Manny was almost 29 years old, most of his friends were married and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next.
Finally a friend asks him "What’s the matter are you looking for a perfect woman?"

"Are you that particular?"

"Can’t you find anyone who suits you?"

"No," Manny replied. "I met a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents my mother doesn’t like them. So I keep on looking."

"Listen" his friend suggested "why don’t you find a girl who's just like your dear ole mother?"

Many weeks pasted before Manny and his friend met again.

"So Manny, did you find the perfect woman yet, one just like your mother?"

Manny shrugged his shoulders "Yes, I found one just like my mom. My mom loved her, they became good friends."

"Excellent! So are you engaged yet?"

"I am afraid not, my father cant stand her!"