Saturday, June 09, 2007

Stolen body-parts and plastic surgery . . .

I’m sure you all have heard about people who have been abducted and be-stolen their kidney . . . ? ! Did you think it’s only nonsense? NO . . . Body-parts “disappear “ all over the world all the time.
Take me per example . . . Some years ago, I lost my thighs. It happened one night I went early to bed. I went to bed in my own body, but the next day . . . I woke up with somebody else’s thighs! ! ! It was obvious that they were not mine. They looked like something similar to oat-porridge. Who can be so cruel doing something like that?? Who was the owner of these thighs and where were mine?? I used that summer to look for my own thighs. Sad and angry, at the end I had to accept that stay-up stockings was out and long panty-hose with extra support was in.
One day I again was not on watch, the thieves hit out again! This time, it was my buttock they wanted. It must have been the same bandidos, because although the buttock now was 10 cm lower than original, the new buttock suited exactly the thighs I had got earlier. . . Now the thighs and the buttock suited each other, but not me . . . Awful! ! ! The only thing I now could ask for, was that long skirt again should become a fashion.
If this was not enough . . . One morning my stomach-muscles was gone. I woke as usually, but it was obvious, somebody had taken my stomach-muscles! My upper body looked something like liquid, and it was obvious that my guts was splashing around right behind the skin of my stomach, without anything keeping it on it’s place. . . .
It was then I started to use body-stockings when I should go out any place. (I envy my mother her girdle.)
A couple of year ago, they took my arms too . . . They had been replaced with some-ones else’s.
One day as I was doing my hair, I suddenly found myself fascinated and terrified looking at how the meat on my upper arm swung from side to side in harmony with the movement of the hair-brush.
Terrified, I stopped using blouses with short sleeves.
It was terrifying to see how all my body-parts slowly, but surely, had been changed.
Age? Age doesn’t have anything to do with this . . . Age is something that comes slowly, invisible, little by little, like getting ripe.
No, this was something coming from unknown source – attacking me – again and again without warning! What is the next??
The night my firm chin got replaced with a turkey’s . . . I decided to tell you my story.

Hi you . . . All women in all ages – support me in my campaign against plastic surgery! They don’t use plastic, you know . . . You do know from where they get all those firm tights, flat stomachs and firm chins, don’t you??? Yes right, they take ours! ! !

We are against plastic surgery! ! We demant our right to keep our own firm body to ourself! !

PS. Last year I though they had stolen my breasts too; I woke up in the morning and looked down at my body – and my breasts were gone! ! ! Nothing . . . flat as a tray! !
I jumped out of the bed and run to the mirror. . . to my relief I discovered that they had only slipped down under my armpit, while sleeping. . . .


Lexcen said...

Wifey had her boobs reduced and now the body fat has nowhere to store itself but on her stomach :-(

Infinitesimal said...

hi this is funny and your English is great, but you have one error:

the word "tights" means thick pantyhose (stockings)

You are meaning to use the word:
which are the tops of the legs.

waking up with someone else's "tights" means wearing someone else's clothes... do you see?

just thought i would let you know!

Jeannie said...

Yes, the bandidos got away with all my good stuff too.

Kirsten N. Namskau said...

Infinitesimal: OBS ... correction done :-)

Lexcen said...

Kirsten,OMG, I hope you're not using babel as a translator :-).Further to what infinitesimal has said, and after I tried it myself, babel's tranlation skills are ludicrous.

Kirsten N. Namskau said...

Lexcen: bwaaahahaha ha, babelfish is what the name says ... it's only babbel, boble, buble

Hammer said...

I think I woke up with someone elses boobs ;)

Anonymous said...

I wondered what happened to the body I used to have. Thanks. Now I must go hunting for the thief.

jin said...

Funny post.
I'll be sure to guard all my parts well!